10 Guidelines To Behave Towards Our Kids

1. Apologize to children when you are wrong.

2. Do not assume you’re smarter than a child simply because you’re older.

3. Say thank you to children when they do something for you or others.

4. Admit when you’ve made a mistake and admit it openly to them.

5. Listen to children, avoid to neglect them at all cost.

6. Be sure to set boundaries for acceptable behavior.

7. Lead by example.

8. Teach and practice compassion, kindness and love.

9. Explain to them that actions have consequences good or bad.

10. Let them see that you enjoy watching and nurturing them.



What To Do When Your Life Falls Apart

Sometimes when things fall apart, they are act...

Sometimes when things fall apart, they are actually falling into place (Photo credit: symphony of love)

I found this OH SO appropriate post by a contributor to The Daily Love…..a blog curated by Mastin Kipp. The author of this masterpiece is Kute Blackson, speaker and life coach and one of my newfound sources of inspiration! I hope you all find it as moving and touching as I do and that it helps…..even just a little bit…..through those tough days we all have.


When your life as you know it falls apart, it is a great blessing.


Give thanks.


In that moment realize that your life is actually falling together even though you might not see it.


If your life falls apart then you are ready for something bigger.


It falls apart because it was too small for who you are becoming.


It falls apart because there is something more that is seeking to express itself in and as your life.


It falls apart because what you were living is no longer in alignment with who you are.


It falls apart because life is letting you know that perhaps you have gotten too comfortable where you’re at and need to grow to the next level.


Life is change. Life is growth. Life is a cycle of Creation-Life-Destruction. Every birth is another form of death. And every death is another form of birth.


Often when things fall apart we become afraid, we panic, we resist and fight life. We hold on to what we know, even though it no longer works or serves us.


This only keeps you stuck.


Holding on to the old will not bring what is new. Resisting what is new will not transform or change what is old.


When life falls apart you can resist or fight, which ultimately only leads to suffering and struggle.


So, what do you do when your life as you know it falls apart?


Simply, LET GO!


Perhaps it’s a relationship, job, or a house.


Let Go! And Trust.


Trust that what no longer remains in your life is no longer meant to be there. And that the Uni-verse is just making room for what is more in alignment with your highest good.


When things fall apart, the Uni-verse is trying to make space for something greater.


When life as you know it stops working and falls apart this is the moment to let go of your ego, as it can only take you so far. This is the moment to let go of your ego’s attachment of how your life should be, and surrender.


In every crisis is an opportunity to let go of what is inauthentic and live with more integrity.


In every breakdown is the blessing of a breakthrough.


In every challenging situation is the gift to help your soul evolve and become who you were really meant to be.


So if your life as you know it is falling apart give thanks and…








My Blogging Anniversary Present…..Tools To Stop My Downward Spiral Into The Abyss


awareness (Photo credit: tobias feltus)

I am Worthy. I am Strong. I do Matter. I Belong.  Each day we are born anew and it is what we do today that matters most. Today I will find something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.


The statements above are part of my “enriching thoughts before m y feet hit the floor every morning” routine. (Sorry, I couldn’t come up with a better name for it.) This month marks my one year anniversary of blogging….. and I am so grateful to be able to have shared this blogging experience with all of you. I have not posted in many weeks and to be honest, my posts recently have been few and far between…..much less than I had expected to post. My past conditioning would have me quickly condemning my inadequacy and self pummeling for failing to meet my own expectations. Instead, I have learned tools that have empowered me and stopped if not reversed this earlier conditioning. I am now aware of these uncomfortable and punishing feelings and thoughts.  I can observe these and allow them to pass through my conscious awareness without attaching judgement to them. The tool I use for this is to imagine or visualize these thoughts as twigs floating down a river bank…..I notice them, watch them with detachment, and allow them to pass on by. I admit that at times I do this in retrospect…..meaning I have already bought into the negative thought process and internalized the feelings associated with them before I am able to recognize the self-defeating nature of them. But this recognition is real progress for me and leaves me feeling proud to be exercising this new mental muscle.


I am actively working to stay grounded and mentally healthy amidst what feels like overwhelmingly brutal circumstances. The several surgeries I have had since the start of the year now numbers four. That seems to me more than most people have in their lifetime.  Alongside of this I am enduring financial and legal challenges. My relationship with my children has become strained as they have distanced themselves from me. And as I try to plan for my future and take steps toward ultimately getting rid of social security disability and returning to the workforce…..roadblocks pop up all around and threaten to squash my efforts. I have met blatant fraud and corruption while attempting to complete an internship program, medical emergencies while trying to complete certification as a domestic violence counselor, and bizarre legal issues that just might bring my whole world to screeching halt. Sounds horrible right? I am whining. Focusing this way…… on these thoughts…..with the negative energies they carry…..does nothing to help my mind, body, and soul stay well.


So what do I do about this? I will tell you! One powerful tool I use daily is my gratitude journal. Taking a few moments every day before I even get out of bed to take note of the blessings I have really does set my attitude for the day in a positive way. Yet before I know it, my focus shifts…..old habits and patterns of thinking take hold. Even without my conscious awareness, the negative energy starts to seep back  in. So the next tool I pull out is the power of nutrition. For any of you reading that have ever been caught in negative mindset, you can verify that eating right is often the very last thing in the world you care about. Rather, I would forego breakfast or be drawn to fast food…..or comfort food…..loaded with processed ingredients and chemicals and just plain garbage as opposed to nutritious. That has now changed for me as I have realized that something I care about the least is what I need to focus on the most. So I make time to prepare a green smoothie or some other nutritious morning meal even when I really don’t want to.  Ah, but time again goes by and the devilish habits sneak back around. I stop. I just stop. Mid morning every day I make time to sit quietly and meditate……time to just be. Twenty minutes…..sometimes more. This brief practice allows me to refocus on my intention and more importantly my awareness…..or ability to be consciously present in the moment.  Lunchtime comes ’round and I make the effort to eat this meal with mindfulness. Mindful eating is an interesting practice that leaves me feeling full and appreciative.  The next tool I avail myself of is the power of connection and genuine love. By mid afternoon I resolve to have made a loving connection to at least one person and to have smiled to at least three random people. This might sound a bit silly or simple but the power it gives me is undeniable. Instead of feeling empty and unworthy, this practice allows me to feel full of love. Sometimes the connection I make is virtual…..thank you world-wide web! Isolation causes me suffering so I really try to reach out every single day. As the world around me proceeds through the evening rush hour, I take the time to exercise physically in some way. And on those days when I am hospitalized or to ill physically, I visualize my exercise routine by closing my eyes and imagining my body actually going through the motions. Modern neuroscience has given this practice validity and even if it is  a ‘placebo effect’…..it works for me.


Throughout the day, I find a way to connect to nature. This truly fills me with a sense of calm and peace. If I find myself particularly perturbed then I look for a way to immerse myself in water and concentrate on dispersing my energy into the H2O.  Oh, did I mention that hot flashes are ruling my days as I now enter menopause? Yep, water really helps me with that issue.  Evening approaches and I enjoy my dinner and follow it with another meditation session. Leisure activities typically dominate the rest of the night until an hour before bedtime. At this point, I reflect on the events and thoughts of the past day. What works best for me in this review is to be both totally honest with myself yet gentle and forgiving. Following time contemplating my future, plans, wishes, and desires….. I prepare for a good night’s rest. In the past, this was almost impossible for me as I struggled with falling asleep, staying asleep, sleeping too much, and night terrors. Add in a few episodes of sleepwalking and you have all the ingredients you would ever need for a lousy quality of life. My solution has been to buy and old-fashioned CD player and a good set of comfy headphones and plug in to some amazing recordings. My bedtime CD collection contains relaxation tapes,binaural beats, subliminal positive messages, visualization exercises, self-hypnosis, and spiritual chants. Rotating these throughout the evenings has done something that no prescription drug ever did…..allow me to actually have some good quality sleep without negative side effects.


I still feel deep pain, sadness, and have tough days. But with the consistent implementation of all these tools,  the urge to jump off my balcony and end it all for good no longer drives me. I call that the best present I could ever have!


For all beings out there suffering in the world, may you find some measure of peace and know that we are all connected and you are never alone. Happy Anniversary my WordPress family. Let’s keep on healing. Let’s keep on loving. Let’s keep on going!

I Don’t Need The Energy You Are Bringing To Me!


energy (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

The title of this post is a direct quote, made by me, to a well-meaning GI doctor. I am so proud of myself for being able to express this in a healthy, non confrontational way. Boy have I come a long way. Applause, applause. This got me thinking…..how many times during a day or week are we influenced by another person’s energy, for better or worse? And how aware are WE of the energy WE bring into each and every interaction?

For most of my life, I have been one of those odd people who are highly perceptive to energy. Only recently, though, have I begun to understand what this means exactly. As a survivor or abuse from before I could even read, I learned to read the moods of the people who surrounded me. I needed to, to survive. This coping mechanism might have been a brilliant way to stay alive when I was in an abusive situation, but as far as it working in day-to-day life….well, not so much. Like most coping skills we use when we are in midst of a crisis, they serve their purpose for that particular situation. It is when those same techniques are used when there is no real threat that we run the risk of negative consequences in a big way. Amazed that it took me this many decades to figure this out, but better late than never.

Throughout my life, I have been deeply affected by the moods of other people in my surroundings. If I was in a particularly good mood, coming home from work to a house filled with teenage chaos and angst could plunge my happy thoughts into the abyss and immediately I became mobilized into “fix it” mode.  When the man of my home would enter in a particularly gruff mood, I would quickly quiet the children, clean like a crazy person, and attempt to present a relaxing and calm environment for him. The result of all this? I was constantly on alert and always in response mode, never stopping along the way to just “be” or take even a moment for introspection. Decades of this instinctive reaction eventually wreaked havoc on both my physical health and my sanity.

Many years of hard work has allowed me this opportunity to reflect on my behavior patterns…..what ways they worked and the ways they destroyed. Although I appreciate my natural empathic abilities, I wish those abilities were inclusive of truly feeling MY feelings. It is a journey, my friends. So last week I had an appointment with a new gastroenterologist. After the obligatory weight and bp screening by the nurse, I sat in the exam room for 35 minutes waiting for the doctor. A recent trip to the ER for sudden dark rectal bleeding prompted me to follow-up with this new doctor. He entered the exam room and began to check my medical history along with the notes from my recent ER visit. Within seconds, his demeanor switched from calm and professional to extreme concern and a bit frantic. As he continued his review, I could literally feel the tension building in his body and caught myself instinctually reacting to that. When he began to state that he was going to call the short procedure unit at the hospital and get me on the schedule for an endoscopy and colonoscopy immediately, I had to stop him and change the dynamic in the room with my declaration above. He was more than a bit surprised by my statement, so I went on to explain that my body is very sensitive to mood and energy and that his anxiety was translating into my feelings of dizziness, light-headedness, increased pulse and heart rate,  shallow breathing…..none of which could be good for my long-term health. It also triggered a feeling of helplessness, doom and gloom, and hopelessness within me. Also not good things for my long-term health.

He excused himself from the exam room and returned a few minutes later, much calmer with a big smile on his face. He thanked me for my comment and said I was brave for voicing it. Me, brave. Go figure. It was his comment that has left me wondering just how often we are aware of the energy we bring to all our everyday interactions with each other. Of course it is difficult being present and conscious of this at every moment, but well worth the effort to try. Imagine the difference it would make in a child’s life and self image if, every time they entered our space, we lit up like Christmas morning and brought a loving, caring energy to our interactions with them. Imagine that. And for that reason alone, I for one am making a conscious effort to be aware of the energy I bring. How about you?

Yes, I'm a happy child.