What To Do When Your Life Falls Apart

Sometimes when things fall apart, they are actually falling into place (Photo credit: symphony of love)

I found this OH SO appropriate post by a contributor to The Daily Love…..a blog curated by Mastin Kipp. The author of this masterpiece is Kute Blackson, speaker and life coach and one of my newfound sources of inspiration! I hope you all find it as moving and touching as I do and that it helps…..even just a little bit…..through those tough days we all have.

 

When your life as you know it falls apart, it is a great blessing.

 

Give thanks.

 

In that moment realize that your life is actually falling together even though you might not see it.

 

If your life falls apart then you are ready for something bigger.

 

It falls apart because it was too small for who you are becoming.

 

It falls apart because there is something more that is seeking to express itself in and as your life.

 

It falls apart because what you were living is no longer in alignment with who you are.

 

It falls apart because life is letting you know that perhaps you have gotten too comfortable where you’re at and need to grow to the next level.

 

Life is change. Life is growth. Life is a cycle of Creation-Life-Destruction. Every birth is another form of death. And every death is another form of birth.

 

Often when things fall apart we become afraid, we panic, we resist and fight life. We hold on to what we know, even though it no longer works or serves us.

 

This only keeps you stuck.

 

Holding on to the old will not bring what is new. Resisting what is new will not transform or change what is old.

 

When life falls apart you can resist or fight, which ultimately only leads to suffering and struggle.

 

So, what do you do when your life as you know it falls apart?

 

Simply, LET GO!

 

Perhaps it’s a relationship, job, or a house.

 

Let Go! And Trust.

 

Trust that what no longer remains in your life is no longer meant to be there. And that the Uni-verse is just making room for what is more in alignment with your highest good.

 

When things fall apart, the Uni-verse is trying to make space for something greater.

 

When life as you know it stops working and falls apart this is the moment to let go of your ego, as it can only take you so far. This is the moment to let go of your ego’s attachment of how your life should be, and surrender.

 

In every crisis is an opportunity to let go of what is inauthentic and live with more integrity.

 

In every breakdown is the blessing of a breakthrough.

 

In every challenging situation is the gift to help your soul evolve and become who you were really meant to be.

 

So if your life as you know it is falling apart give thanks and…

 

LET GO!

 

Love.Now

 

Kute

 

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My Blogging Anniversary Present…..Tools To Stop My Downward Spiral Into The Abyss

awareness (Photo credit: tobias feltus)

I am Worthy. I am Strong. I do Matter. I Belong.  Each day we are born anew and it is what we do today that matters most. Today I will find something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.

 

The statements above are part of my “enriching thoughts before m y feet hit the floor every morning” routine. (Sorry, I couldn’t come up with a better name for it.) This month marks my one year anniversary of blogging….. and I am so grateful to be able to have shared this blogging experience with all of you. I have not posted in many weeks and to be honest, my posts recently have been few and far between…..much less than I had expected to post. My past conditioning would have me quickly condemning my inadequacy and self pummeling for failing to meet my own expectations. Instead, I have learned tools that have empowered me and stopped if not reversed this earlier conditioning. I am now aware of these uncomfortable and punishing feelings and thoughts.  I can observe these and allow them to pass through my conscious awareness without attaching judgement to them. The tool I use for this is to imagine or visualize these thoughts as twigs floating down a river bank…..I notice them, watch them with detachment, and allow them to pass on by. I admit that at times I do this in retrospect…..meaning I have already bought into the negative thought process and internalized the feelings associated with them before I am able to recognize the self-defeating nature of them. But this recognition is real progress for me and leaves me feeling proud to be exercising this new mental muscle.

 

I am actively working to stay grounded and mentally healthy amidst what feels like overwhelmingly brutal circumstances. The several surgeries I have had since the start of the year now numbers four. That seems to me more than most people have in their lifetime.  Alongside of this I am enduring financial and legal challenges. My relationship with my children has become strained as they have distanced themselves from me. And as I try to plan for my future and take steps toward ultimately getting rid of social security disability and returning to the workforce…..roadblocks pop up all around and threaten to squash my efforts. I have met blatant fraud and corruption while attempting to complete an internship program, medical emergencies while trying to complete certification as a domestic violence counselor, and bizarre legal issues that just might bring my whole world to screeching halt. Sounds horrible right? I am whining. Focusing this way…… on these thoughts…..with the negative energies they carry…..does nothing to help my mind, body, and soul stay well.

 

So what do I do about this? I will tell you! One powerful tool I use daily is my gratitude journal. Taking a few moments every day before I even get out of bed to take note of the blessings I have really does set my attitude for the day in a positive way. Yet before I know it, my focus shifts…..old habits and patterns of thinking take hold. Even without my conscious awareness, the negative energy starts to seep back  in. So the next tool I pull out is the power of nutrition. For any of you reading that have ever been caught in negative mindset, you can verify that eating right is often the very last thing in the world you care about. Rather, I would forego breakfast or be drawn to fast food…..or comfort food…..loaded with processed ingredients and chemicals and just plain garbage as opposed to nutritious. That has now changed for me as I have realized that something I care about the least is what I need to focus on the most. So I make time to prepare a green smoothie or some other nutritious morning meal even when I really don’t want to.  Ah, but time again goes by and the devilish habits sneak back around. I stop. I just stop. Mid morning every day I make time to sit quietly and meditate……time to just be. Twenty minutes…..sometimes more. This brief practice allows me to refocus on my intention and more importantly my awareness…..or ability to be consciously present in the moment.  Lunchtime comes ’round and I make the effort to eat this meal with mindfulness. Mindful eating is an interesting practice that leaves me feeling full and appreciative.  The next tool I avail myself of is the power of connection and genuine love. By mid afternoon I resolve to have made a loving connection to at least one person and to have smiled to at least three random people. This might sound a bit silly or simple but the power it gives me is undeniable. Instead of feeling empty and unworthy, this practice allows me to feel full of love. Sometimes the connection I make is virtual…..thank you world-wide web! Isolation causes me suffering so I really try to reach out every single day. As the world around me proceeds through the evening rush hour, I take the time to exercise physically in some way. And on those days when I am hospitalized or to ill physically, I visualize my exercise routine by closing my eyes and imagining my body actually going through the motions. Modern neuroscience has given this practice validity and even if it is  a ‘placebo effect’…..it works for me.

 

Throughout the day, I find a way to connect to nature. This truly fills me with a sense of calm and peace. If I find myself particularly perturbed then I look for a way to immerse myself in water and concentrate on dispersing my energy into the H2O.  Oh, did I mention that hot flashes are ruling my days as I now enter menopause? Yep, water really helps me with that issue.  Evening approaches and I enjoy my dinner and follow it with another meditation session. Leisure activities typically dominate the rest of the night until an hour before bedtime. At this point, I reflect on the events and thoughts of the past day. What works best for me in this review is to be both totally honest with myself yet gentle and forgiving. Following time contemplating my future, plans, wishes, and desires….. I prepare for a good night’s rest. In the past, this was almost impossible for me as I struggled with falling asleep, staying asleep, sleeping too much, and night terrors. Add in a few episodes of sleepwalking and you have all the ingredients you would ever need for a lousy quality of life. My solution has been to buy and old-fashioned CD player and a good set of comfy headphones and plug in to some amazing recordings. My bedtime CD collection contains relaxation tapes,binaural beats, subliminal positive messages, visualization exercises, self-hypnosis, and spiritual chants. Rotating these throughout the evenings has done something that no prescription drug ever did…..allow me to actually have some good quality sleep without negative side effects.

 

I still feel deep pain, sadness, and have tough days. But with the consistent implementation of all these tools,  the urge to jump off my balcony and end it all for good no longer drives me. I call that the best present I could ever have!

 

For all beings out there suffering in the world, may you find some measure of peace and know that we are all connected and you are never alone. Happy Anniversary my WordPress family. Let’s keep on healing. Let’s keep on loving. Let’s keep on going!

Bursting At The Seams! Part 1

Second Exploding Head (Photo credit: Dru!)

I have been inhaling books and articles so quickly over the past few weeks. Like an addiction, I want more, more, more. Give it to me now. Another link, another email, another e-zine, research papers, scholarly journals, GoodReads, StumbleUpon, blog posts. I love it all.  I finally forced myself to stop today because I think my head just might explode! But what great information, intriguing points of view, and inspiration for me to step into the next phase of my cycle and write, write, write.

I am humbled by the receipt of some nominations and acknowledgements from fellow members of our WordPress family. I apologize for waiting so long to post some of these and properly thank those who sent them to me. Carey Mann, the scientifically brilliant author of The Bridge, nominated me for One Lovely Blog award a while back. Thank you Carey and a personal note to tell you I am jonesing for a new post by you. Hope to read a post of yours soon.

Carolyn Page over at ABC of Spirit Talk had tagged me so….big thank you to Carolyn. Her blog is a must read for true spiritual inspiration and down to earth soul soothing.  There are rules to this game of tag, actually a lot of rules so here goes…..

RULES OF THE GAME:

1. Post these rules.

2 Post a photo of yourself and eleven random facts about yourself

3.Answer the questions given to you in the tagger’s post

4. Create eleven new questions and tag new people to answer them

5. Go to their blog and let them know they have been tagged.

Here is my pic      🙂

 

 

 

 

Random facts about me: I refinished a piece of furniture for the first time and it looks great; I made custom window treatments for my apartment for under $15.00 including hardware; One of my guilty pleasures is eating cherry pie filling right out of the container; I swear my veins contain sweet tea instead of blood; I love my neon pink high heels; Relaxing in a hot tub with a glass of wine=heaven; Walking through the grass barefoot is calming to me; I was an emancipated minor; I need a camera; My sense of smell is all but gone; Taking a hot air balloon ride is on my bucket list.

Carolyn’s questions for me:

1. If life was ‘just a bowl of cherries’… which fruit would you rather be..? Pineapple

2. Who is your favourite singer? Prince

3. Snow or Beach? Snow

4. Did you have a favourite toy when growing up? Did it have a name? Did you take it with you everywhere you went? Yes, Dolly…..poor thing went bald from my lugging it everywhere by the hair.

5. What are your favourite things to do on weekends? Same as every other day, make the best of every moment.

6. Did you have a hobby when you were a kid? Barbie dolls….does that count?

7. Are you a sporty type, or more the studious type?  Maybe you are both…! Studious now that I have had multiple hip replacements

8. If you were in a raft in the middle of the ocean, who would you like for company? My guardian angel

9. Do you keep your birthday cards? Never got any awww

10. Is life what you expected as a child? No, but thankfully I am not a child anymore

11. Do you have a pet? Nope

Here are my questions for my nominees:

1. What’s your lucky number?

2. What was your last dream about?

3. What is your shoe size?

4.Can you solve a rubix cube?

5. Do you think you are psychic in any way? If so, how?

6.If you had to do one…..Bungee jumping or sky diving?

7. Where would you go on your ultimate vacation?

8.What is your favorite holiday and why?

9. Bath or shower?

10.Hamburger with….. Ketchup, mustard, or mayonnaise?

11. Can you curl your tongue or wiggle your ears?

 

And my nominees are:

Wayward Spirit

JT Weaver

Cristian Mihai

Kate is Rising

The Hawk’s Tail

The QBox

Spread Information

You have all been TAGGED…..you’re it! Please don’t feel obligated to play or respond…..this is all for fun, so if it makes you giggle then go for it!

Wow! I have three more special people to thank for three more special awards so PART 2 will be posted soon. Stay tuned for more.  Then an exposé or two, updated evidence based practices for optimal health, some soul-searching posts…..Whew! I warned you I was bursting at the seams!

 

Forget About Fight Or Flight…..My Issue Is Freeze

FREEZE Logo1 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Regions of the brain affected by PTSD and stress. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have once again been absent from posting in the blogosphere for an extended time. It is quite unintentional. I set out to post on a regular schedule, and then for some mysterious reason life intervenes. What I mean by this is I am overcome with something I can only describe as paralysis of the soul. I bet some of you out there know just what I am talking about. This isn’t your everyday kind of “life gets busy and gets in the way” excuse. This is different.

We have all heard and read much information about our bodies response to heightened and /or unexpected acute stress. Most often it is talked about in terms of the fight or flight stress response. In this case, our body floods with neurochemicals, hormones, central nervous system, and endocrine changes that allow us to temporarily increase our typical speed and/or strength in response to a direct life threat. This system has been part of our evolution for thousands of years and is traced back to the earliest animal species as part of the limbic brain activation and survival instinct. And don’t get me wrong, it has served many a living thing very admirably, providing for their continued existence in the face of life extinction events.  Our human brains are the most remarkable out of all the living species here on earth, I am sure most would agree. But in this modern age, it seems that this stress response has gone haywire in a fairly significant portion of us. PTSD comes to mind. Some researchers have even proposed that this fight or flight response becomes activated in some us when such events as getting cut off in traffic or overwhelmed by constant cell phone calls take place. Surely that can’t be a good thing. And this has spawned much talk about relaxation, reducing cortisol levels, and the like. But there is one piece of the puzzle missing. One piece that gets far too little attention. That is the third response our bodies can have when faced with a life threatening situation. That, my friends, is freeze.

When I talk about freezing, I’m not referring to the actual cold. I am talking about a physical, mental, and emotional state whereby you are almost paralyzed…..unable to move, unable to think clearly, unable to take action. Frozen. This seems to be my personal go-to response and, can I just say…..it is no fun! Many adjectives come to mind when trying to describe this experience. Stuck. Trapped. Shutdown. Offline. Paralyzed. What I find most disconcerting about the whole thing though is my complete inability to DO. All I am able to carry out is to BE. That might not sound to bad on the surface; many philosophers and spiritual leaders in fact encourage us to practice just being. But I don’t think they meant it in this way. When you haven’t taken a shower, dressed, eaten, paid bills, or walked your dog for walk because all you can do is BE…..that is not such a good thing. But such has been my experience of late. Now, with a bit of my mojo back, I am looking for ways to lessen this frozen state. I have found a few helpful books on the subject, with some great tips like forcing yourself to lay in a tub of warm water and try to dissipate the “stuck” energy from your system.

Well, we are all on a journey and this happens to be part of mine. If this is an experience you share, I would love to hear your thoughts. And for all the professionals out there who have treated this condition, fill me up with your tips! I am eagerly searching for a way to better manage my states, so all feedback is welcomed. Namaste, my friends. And keep on going.