I heard these magic words on February 13, 2013: “Karen, don’t let the fact that others may go through harder things allow you to make light of your pain. It’s never ‘just’ anything when it comes to hardship. You have just as much a right to the compassion and empathy of your brothers and sisters in Christ as anyone else with problems. Really, no matter what one is going through there’s always someone worse off, you can’t let that invalidate your suffering.” “
I happened upon this post by a fabulous fellow blogger tonight. I was struck immediately by the full weight of these words, feeling lifted up to heaven itself. Good thing too because the next post I read struck me with an equally heavy blow. A heart wrenching tale, finally spoken, by another fellow blogger.
The last two weeks, I have felt a pressure inside so great, it seemed like I would break. I think now it was the literal feeling of the body’s fragility. I think it was the sensation of a body breaking.
The rest of the memory came to me today. In my mind, I saw again how Natalya died.
They dragged her down the stairs, partly by the hair, partly shoving her, partly pulling. Three men. I don’t really know who these men were. They might have been men I knew. One of them could have been my father. Somehow, who it was didn’t seem important. Only what they were doing. What they were going to do.
She was screaming in Russian.
In the parking lot, they began to beat her. First, with fists, and then with something else. Pipes maybe. I don’t know. It was getting dark then. I couldn’t see. Her teeth began to scatter over the ground.
When she fell, they went on kicking her.”
The story continues, and I will not reblog the entirety of it here, but please read it on your own. I felt a surge of electricity course through my body. My heart still beating started to heat up and then slowly,brilliantly expanded. Larger and larger, my heart grew and grew filling my form completely and then expanding to fill every inch of space surrounding me. I wept and even as I wept I could feel the total and complete sense of peace overtake me. A bright light encompassing the room, seemingly coming from the stars above and shining down through and into the top of my head. Grace. This feels like grace. Is it…..grace? Grace? Yes. Grace…..and Beauty…..and Love. My heart space opens. May all beings feel truly loved and beloved. May all beings be free from suffering. Namaste.