I Don’t Need The Energy You Are Bringing To Me!

energy

energy (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

The title of this post is a direct quote, made by me, to a well-meaning GI doctor. I am so proud of myself for being able to express this in a healthy, non confrontational way. Boy have I come a long way. Applause, applause. This got me thinking…..how many times during a day or week are we influenced by another person’s energy, for better or worse? And how aware are WE of the energy WE bring into each and every interaction?

For most of my life, I have been one of those odd people who are highly perceptive to energy. Only recently, though, have I begun to understand what this means exactly. As a survivor or abuse from before I could even read, I learned to read the moods of the people who surrounded me. I needed to, to survive. This coping mechanism might have been a brilliant way to stay alive when I was in an abusive situation, but as far as it working in day-to-day life….well, not so much. Like most coping skills we use when we are in midst of a crisis, they serve their purpose for that particular situation. It is when those same techniques are used when there is no real threat that we run the risk of negative consequences in a big way. Amazed that it took me this many decades to figure this out, but better late than never.

Throughout my life, I have been deeply affected by the moods of other people in my surroundings. If I was in a particularly good mood, coming home from work to a house filled with teenage chaos and angst could plunge my happy thoughts into the abyss and immediately I became mobilized into “fix it” mode.  When the man of my home would enter in a particularly gruff mood, I would quickly quiet the children, clean like a crazy person, and attempt to present a relaxing and calm environment for him. The result of all this? I was constantly on alert and always in response mode, never stopping along the way to just “be” or take even a moment for introspection. Decades of this instinctive reaction eventually wreaked havoc on both my physical health and my sanity.

Many years of hard work has allowed me this opportunity to reflect on my behavior patterns…..what ways they worked and the ways they destroyed. Although I appreciate my natural empathic abilities, I wish those abilities were inclusive of truly feeling MY feelings. It is a journey, my friends. So last week I had an appointment with a new gastroenterologist. After the obligatory weight and bp screening by the nurse, I sat in the exam room for 35 minutes waiting for the doctor. A recent trip to the ER for sudden dark rectal bleeding prompted me to follow-up with this new doctor. He entered the exam room and began to check my medical history along with the notes from my recent ER visit. Within seconds, his demeanor switched from calm and professional to extreme concern and a bit frantic. As he continued his review, I could literally feel the tension building in his body and caught myself instinctually reacting to that. When he began to state that he was going to call the short procedure unit at the hospital and get me on the schedule for an endoscopy and colonoscopy immediately, I had to stop him and change the dynamic in the room with my declaration above. He was more than a bit surprised by my statement, so I went on to explain that my body is very sensitive to mood and energy and that his anxiety was translating into my feelings of dizziness, light-headedness, increased pulse and heart rate,  shallow breathing…..none of which could be good for my long-term health. It also triggered a feeling of helplessness, doom and gloom, and hopelessness within me. Also not good things for my long-term health.

He excused himself from the exam room and returned a few minutes later, much calmer with a big smile on his face. He thanked me for my comment and said I was brave for voicing it. Me, brave. Go figure. It was his comment that has left me wondering just how often we are aware of the energy we bring to all our everyday interactions with each other. Of course it is difficult being present and conscious of this at every moment, but well worth the effort to try. Imagine the difference it would make in a child’s life and self image if, every time they entered our space, we lit up like Christmas morning and brought a loving, caring energy to our interactions with them. Imagine that. And for that reason alone, I for one am making a conscious effort to be aware of the energy I bring. How about you?

Yes, I'm a happy child.

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5 thoughts on “I Don’t Need The Energy You Are Bringing To Me!

  1. I hope that you are alright. You could not be more correct about being able to feel the energy of others. We do need to be aware of the energy that we bring. We often say so much without saying a thing.

  2. Let me just say that this could be my post, too. I always think of this coping mechanism as a highly tuned radar system that picks up on signals. Those of us from abusive and dysfunctional homes needed it to survive. As adults, we still have it and use it. It’s a gift but also a bit of a curse because like you said, we’re so busy picking up other signals that we don’t often read our own. Members from my family tell me that I have a nervous energy. Sometimes I think it’s a masculine energy. It’s strong – I guess it needed to be? I’d like to learn how to turn it off or find a channel without so much static. haha!
    I relate to this 100% — Great post.
    Lisa

  3. You have the best posts.I felt like you were speaking about me! Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences with all of us. You have amazing insight in to your own soul and clearly in to ours as well!

  4. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    I AGREE ‘applause applause’ – you HAVE come a long way to vocalise what you wish to put out there. Truly so, I relate to that.

    I’m probably not as sensitive as you, but I do feel other energies, moods, quite so that they affect me. When I was in court this year and the cyber bully said “I hate you” (undoubtedly because I was not allowing them to continue to do as they had near half a year), I felt – I FELT the hate not only drip from the words like drops from ice fangs, but in the air, the actual air, I felt hate. It was horrible, dark, ugly. And I still had no idea why, why this person hated. Yet clearly they had had inside them, and it seethed out of their mouth. It was really sad, unsettling that it should reside within someone’s heart.

    But re you – you sort of surprise me you’re ok to talk about rectal bleeding! I think THAT’s brave. It does sound a bit abnormal & I do hope things are okay with “it all”.

    I think you’re brilliant to voice yourself yes, but for the doc to come back all smiles & thank you for voicing yourself – these are just marvellous steps forward.

    Good one, ‘Crazy’ 🙂

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