Live surgery webcast from Christiana Care Center for Advanced Joint Replacement (Photo credit: Christiana Care)
So, my WordPress friends and family, I am facing a daunting problem. As reported in an earlier post this week, I was experiencing some severe mouth pain that I felt was connected to unpleasant memories and feelings. I actually was feeling better and thought I was out of the woods. But I am not. Today I was informed, and shown radiological proof that I have osteomyelitis in my jaw that is unresponsive to antibiotics. A portion of my lower jaw needs excision, removal and replacement with cadaver bone. And because of my artificial joints being highly susceptible to a migrating infection, this needs to happen quickly. Okay. Breathe.
Surgery is scheduled for next week on the condition that I obtain cardiovascular clearance, hematological oncology clearance, and orthopedic clearance in addition to the standard pre-surgery screenings. And it is a short work week here in the US due to Labor Day. Whew. On the bright side, since this is now a medically urgent problem and not a dental one, medicare health insurance will cover a large part of it.
Here is where I ask for much-needed help. In addition to the typical trepidation one feels when they face surgery, I have the added mental health terrors. Already, I am struggling to BE with my urges to dissociate and horrific combination flashback body memories of having my nose and mouth covered from childhood abuse. I have reached out to all my treating practitioners and my small…..okay teeny, tiny…..support system, but I am feeling very overwhelmed. So, I am asking all of you for your thoughts, prayers, advice, and good wishes because I believe very strongly in the power of collective thought energy. I thank you all in advance for your support and empathy.My usual resolve (which I have worked very hard at) is crumbling now. But I am trying to get back to a space of peace and acceptance. I will keep on going…..somehow.
WELL CALL ME CRAZY 
Sending lots of positive energy your way. You will be in my thoughts and prayer. Please keep us posted and remember to focus on the positive and breathe. xx
Thank you so much. I am really having a tough time for some reason with this whole surgery thing. I/we could use all the reminders you can send my/our way. Thanks.
You are in my thoughts. I know how terrifying these things are. If it’s any consolation, I am quite severely both claustrophobic and agoraphobic and had to have an MRI scan a few days ago where I had to lie still in a narrow tube for an hour. I was TERRFIED but Was surprised by my strength to get through it. I know it’s not the same – I too would be so panicked about surgery – but we seem to have the incredible ability to endure things that we have to, even if we don’t think we can. Best wishes to you and keep us up to date!
Thank you. I think I am starting to climb out of my little pity party. I’m just so darned tired of having to fight…..having to struggle so hard. Uh oh, there I go again with the pity party. Thanks so much for sending your wishes this way.
You will be in my prayers and wish you all the very best. Think positive and think that it will be much better afterwards. All the best and quick recovery!
I need those prayers! Thanks very much.
I hope everything goes well. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you. Maybe it helps you to keep in mind that these doctors know what they are doing – and they just want to help you to get better again! Sending you strong thoughts.
Thank you…I really appreciate this.
Good luck to you and with God’s assistance you will be fine.
Hi there. I’m so sorry to hear this has happened and caused the extra stress and fear. So without wanting to minimize the truth of this I want to maximize your positive thinking.
1.You have survived so much, so you are a survivor.You will survive this too.
2. This is just a triggering of some sort and you will come to understand it and get back on top as you have done before
3. Most of what causes this are the thoughts and they are just that…thoughts….you are not your thoughts, you are so much more and your thoughts are not necessarily truth…eg I worry I might have a panic attack on a plane and for my last trip I just felt the anxiety and sat with it and none of what I feared happened…my thoughts/worries/concerns were not truth and I did not have a panic attack just slightly higher anxiety
4.There is a God…put this in His hands and Trust. His love for you is far greater than you can ever imagine and I will pray for you as well
5.Think of every beautiful thing you can imagine and imagine it in depth-it’s smell, feel, taste, touch, sound…where you saw it, what you were doing….ground yourself in strong beautiful memories, to counteract the negative and to soothe yourself….everytime you begin to feel apprehension or fear, let it go like a leaf floating down a river and concentrate in on your beautiful memories…
6. Good luck and I believe you will be fine because I believe in you.
Thank you so much!!
Gosh that sounds really scary but you can make it through this. I will be thinking of you. If you need someone to talk to I am a good listener-although I don’t have all of the answers 😦 Peace be with you.
Thank you. I have noticed that when I can pull myself out of my misery long enough to read through the support you and others are sending, it definitely helps ease the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual pain.
I am talking with my psychologist everyday to help me avoid dissociating through this….. as has been my tendency with past surgeries. The bigger the support system I have, the better chance I have of getting through this.
How are you today? do you know when the surgery is for? I am thinking of you.
Due to my temperature of 102, surgery is now postponed until September 13th at 5 AM. I am feeling better today , however, due to a good hypnosis session geared towards pain reduction. Fingers crossed that it holds for a bit. And much gratitude that I am experiencing relief right now and that I have your support.
Oh dear, 102! Glad you’re feeling better today. So hypnosis works for you? That is good 🙂 I have thought of it in the past but have never tried it. Likely works well on people like ourselves who dissociate easily, although I don’t dissociate much now.
I will keep you in my thoughts and continue to hope the surgery goes ahead with as few problems as possible! 🙂
Thanks! Never thought hypnotic suggestions worked before, but I figured it couldn’t hurt. And gosh darned if my pain level didn’t go down. I am pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes it seems (to me) best to say nothing – but just to be there…
This feels like one of those times… **hug**
M
I can feel that. Thank you so much.
In shock right now – cannot believe the simple toothache has turned into this, oh you must be in shock with this happening so quickly. The only thing I can possible write is this:
“We cannot worry about what we cannot change or have no control to change.”
My family has been through some horrific health issues that happened fast like this, it was harder for them mentally, but they did get through, even though it took a while for them to get passed the fast changes of their own body.
Takes a while for the mind to catch up with the changes of the body.
Everything will be fine – I just know it. Praying for you.
Moving past shock now and into the next stages of grief. Thank you so much for your support, it really does make a difference.
There are some wonderful books on the subject I have read them over and over.
Thanks. Surgery in less than 36 hours. I appreciate your…and everyone’s….comments and hopes and prayers.
Praying peace and comfort over you in the waiting and the surgery process. May the grace of Jesus hold you up, and give your mind peace and rest, when any past trauma would wish to overtake you. Blessings be yours, my friend.
Hope you are doing ok … saying a prayer that all goes well & you recover quickly. Don’t focus on the fact that you’re afraid – fear is normal. I had (by comparison) minor surgery last year & I was also very fearful.
The only way around fear is through it … take care & speedy healing!
“the only way around fear is through it” SO TRUE! Thanks for the reminder and the good wishes.
I understand how completely mind-numbingly terrifying this must be for you. I am so sorry that you have to go through this and that it is bringing up memories from such a dark time in your life. From a neurological standpoint, everything you are going through makes sense. I have an established network of synapses engrained through trauma that is alerting you to perceived similarities between your surgery and your past. What has helped me in the past is to try to recognize that I am having a physical reaction because my brain has no other way to process and interpret what is going on. Then, it has helped me to focus on breathing through the emotions and identify that I am separate from what I am feeling. This )http://www.amazon.com/Yoga-Nidra-Meditation-Relaxation-Conscious/dp/0972471901) meditation really helps with that. By going through this experience, you will establish new neural pathways that will show you that even though this experience was similar in some ways to your past, it is different because this time you were in control, taken care of and safe.
You are very brave and I am sending lots of positive energy your way. You can do this. 🙂
Love the meditation link you sent me! Thank you for your support and encouragement.
Of course! 🙂 I am glad you like it and I hope things get easier.