What Would You Do If The Blue Sky Above You Exploded – Part 2 – The Conclusion

So, the other day I posted about an unusual event that occurred to me.  On what had been an otherwise unremarkable morning, I sat outside and watched as the gorgeous clear blue sky above me just exploded…..and then things got really weird. Over the next three days, I experienced what I can only call overwhelming visual hallucinations. They intensified at times and even kept on coming when I closed my eyes. I saw what I have come to call light trails emanating from my fingers and even from inanimate objects. My normally clear visual field became obstructed with dark jagged black edges and even changed background colors. Sometimes the whole world looked like it was bathed in red light…..other times it was a bluish green. There appeared to be swaths of grayish fog that would drift across my viewing screen…..vibrating fog no less.

Before I go on, I want to thank the readers who commented on my part 1 post and those that emailed me with support and empathy. I need to give some background here and tell you that this particular phenomenon has been occurring to me since 2005. The very first time this type of oddball event took place, I immediately called my family doctor. Panicked…..Confused…..Scared. My family doctor told me it sounded like a classic migraine aura. Migraine? What the heck was that and why was I having one? That was a new one for me at the time. So, I dutifully went on the medical ride I called “migraine patient”. On this ride: I was scanned and MRI’d, scheduled with neurologists and rescheduled, waited…..and waited…..and waited in a variety of doctors waiting rooms for what seemed interminably long times, questioned by med techs and then nurses and then physician assistants and then again by doctors, measured and tested, then prescribed medications to both abort and prevent future migraine episodes, then argued with my health insurance company, then experienced side effects from the prescription medications,got frustrated that I was actually feeling worse and having more symptoms, then got back on the migraine patient ride and started the whole thing all over again. A year later, I was eventually hospitalized for 21 days at a headache center within a local university hospital for a lidocaine infusion treatment. By the time I was discharged, I felt like I had finally turned a corner on this migraine thing and could “get on with my normal life.” Yeah, well….. as it turns out normal is a setting on an air conditioner and NOT a term that would apply to my life. Within 5 months of my discharge, I was again hijacked by these bizarre visual disturbances and intolerable pain. This time, my health insurance wouldn’t cover me to be admitted into the headache center again. My life began to quickly spiral out of my control. Trying to find an answer still, and trying to “get back to normal” I began also treating with mental health professionals. Surely, they would be able to help me re-adjust and get my life back. Wouldn’t they?????

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That was the beginning of my journey into mental illness. And what a journey it has been. After several years, several iatrogenic illnesses and surgeries, and more medications than can be listed on two pages, I finally made the conscious choice to get off the “migraine patient” ride. Actually, I decided to get off ALL the rides and just be. Just be. Since I made that choice, this is the first time I have had these visual disturbances reoccur. This time, I finally handled it differently. This time, I finally rode the wave through. I admit that I was scared. I admit that I wasn’t sure if I was going to be okay. But I was firm in my resolve to not give in to a panic reaction this time. This time, I was going to be mindful and try to just be. And I am still here! 

I did have a strange coincidental experience that I hesitate to even note here. At one point this time, whenever I closed my eyes and attempted to “check in” with what was happening in my body, I had a consistent bizarre visual image of a fireball streaking across the sky and then what was left of a plane littering the ground. At the same time, I couldn’t shake a feeling of intense pain and sorrow and started to weep. When the symptoms subsided finally, I asked my daughter if there had been a plane crash reported in the past 72 hours nearby. A few minutes later after trolling through her smartphone, she told me there had been one…..some 18 to 20 miles from my home. I am not certain what to make of this coincidence, and I am not even certain that I need to make anything out of it. I do feel comfortable, however, that I made the best choice for me this time. I made it through.

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9 thoughts on “What Would You Do If The Blue Sky Above You Exploded – Part 2 – The Conclusion

  1. Hi again, my suggestion about seeking a doctor, ended up being not far from what u did! I’m sorry you have gone through such a problematic, challenging and frightening time. I love ur capacity to let go and sit with the phenomena, to be mindful and watch what happens, to be in the moment. U must have deep wells of strength. My regards Leanne

  2. You made it through! Good for you.

    Here’s a thought (from a non-doctor, amateur, & what the heck do I know) – just a possibility from the other side of the coin. Ever think that you’re being given a gift? But because of what others consider ‘normal’, you’ve been fighting it – which messes everything up. Some people call simliar occurrences ‘clairvoyant episodes’. Just a thought.

    Geez! I can’t believe I dared say that – to a stranger! Please, take it with a huge grain of salt.
    M

  3. Big mouth here – your page loading time is a bit slow, hard to read the posts. Might I suggest Dashboard – Settings – Reading and limiting the scroll to 4 postst or using the “more” button that is on the kitchen sink when writing a new posts. See how my posts have the “continue reading” button?

    Slow page loading time will cause readers and commenters to leave quickly, and not comment. I learned this the hard way, after months of blogging. A blogger finally told me, and after I changed it, my traffic increased x 3 and comments.

    Suggestion, not bossing. 🙂

    • I LOVE your ” big mouth”. Thank you for your advice here as well as the new posts you just put on your blog for newbies like me! I will be making some changes as a result this week.

  4. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    That must have been so frightening – light trails from your fingers etc.

    Migraine? MIGRAINE?? They couldn’t be serious??

    I applaud you on ‘just be’ing. That was enormously brave. I hope you are going okay these days. You must have gone through so much medication for so long… I admire you.

    • Thank you for such kind words. I am humbled by them. Like most people, I have good days and not so good days. It is ironic that you mention medication here, as I just completed a medical form/questionnaire that asked me to list all medications I had taken over the last ten years. To my astonishment, my list took up three pieces of paper. Looking at it in black and white makes me sick to my stomach, and somewhat ashamed that I took so little personal responsibility for my own health/life…..blindly following doctors suggestions and falling into the “more must be better” trap of our culture.
      Take care and keep on going.

    • Thank you for such kind words. I am humbled by them. Like most people, I have good days and not so good days. It is ironic that you mention medication here, as I just completed a medical form/questionnaire that asked me to list all medications I had taken over the last ten years. To my astonishment, my list took up three pieces of paper. Looking at it in black and white makes me sick to my stomach, and somewhat ashamed that I took so little personal responsibility for my own health/life…..blindly following doctors suggestions and falling into the “more must be better” trap of our culture.
      Take care and keep on going.

  5. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Hey, you know I like looking back on old posts. Came across BOGGLES MY MIND but it’s password protected. If you feel okay, wouldn’t mind to read that one?

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